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Choose a quiet time of year when not much is going on. We recommend a due-date of 3rd of January.
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Have medical professionals prod your belly at regular intervals
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You will need to know systolic and dystolic blood pressure , uterine pressure and oxygen saturation.
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There's an app for that. When contractions come three times every ten minutes and last reliably for more than a minute, call a taxi.
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Arrange for this to happen at 1.30am so the traffic is light. The London taxi driver will give you a discount on the metered fare for the first time in your life.
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At all the best parties: Oxygen and Nitrous Oxide.
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03:43 am. Alice Rose Herman Storey.
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Female infant. "Baby Herman".
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There will be more blood than you imagine. This is normal.
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A normal day at the office: the hospital staff will make you feel humble with their cheerful approach to everyday miracles.
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Afterwards you will be tired and feel like a drink.
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Then you will need a taxi home. There will be no discount this time. Remember to ask for a child's seat. You will be charged extra for this.
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Afterwards she will be tired and feel like a drink.
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Alice is going to have opinions.
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A cold, fizzy drink would be refreshing.
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Once you have cut the tags off your new item, you will be unable to return it.