Panda Evans:
"I fart in your general direction." - French soldier in 'Monty Python & the Holy Grail'
Panda Evans:
"How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven." - Spike Milligan
Panda Evans:
"I don't watch television, I think it destroys the art of talking about oneself." - Stephen Fry
Panda Evans:
"Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so." - Douglas Adams
Panda Evans:
"All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the treasury." - Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh
Panda Evans:
"Politicians. Little tin gods on wheels." - Rudyard Kipling
Panda Evans:
"The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time." - Bob Monkhouse
Panda Evans:
"I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose." - P.G.Wodehouse
Panda Evans:
"The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese." - Jeremy Paxman
Panda Evans:
"I am amazed at DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for." - Jasper Carrott
Panda Evans:
"I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge." - Spike Milligan
Panda Evans:
"I blame myself for my boyfriend's death. I shot him." - Jo Brand
Panda Evans:
"A cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree." - Spike Milligan
Panda Evans:
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett
Panda Evans:
"The bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people." - G.K.Chesterton
Panda Evans:
"Show me a man who loves football and nine times out of ten you'll be pointing at a really bad shag." - Julie Birchill
Panda Evans:
"A horse is dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle." - Ian Flemming
Panda Evans:
"Idleness is only a coarse name for my infinite capacity for living in the present." - Cyril Connolly
Panda Evans:
"If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'" - John Cleese
Panda Evans:
"There are books of which the backs and covers are by far the best parts." - Charles Dickens
Panda Evans:
"A goldfish is more like a screensaver than a pet." - Jonathon Ross
Panda Evans:
"All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast." - John Gunther
Panda Evans:
"Heaven sends us good meat, but the Devil sends cooks." - David Garrick
Panda Evans:
"Outside every thin girl is a fat man, trying to get in." - Katherine Whitehorn
Panda Evans:
"My Aunt died at precisely 10:37 am and the old grandfather clock stopped precisely at this moment also. It fell on her." - Paul Merton
Panda Evans:
"Cameras don't take pictures, people take pictures. The camera helps though; saying 'click' won't achieve anything."